Mother of the Groom

You, Jordan Lee Roher, are the apple of my eye, as you know quite well.  You are my only child, and a boy - the name and genetic heritage continues.  In Judaism, boys take pride of place.  Not as much as in previous generations, but still ...  Along with this antiquated thinking, I'm also a subscriber to the saying, "A son's a son till he takes a wife, but a daughter's a daughter the rest of her life".  I heard that often enough from my own mother and came to believe in the truth of it.  So, when you went off to college, I prepared myself for your eventual emotional leave-taking.

Another thing you know as well as anything, is how much I wanted a grandchild.  Marriage?  Yes, that's nice, but really anything will do as long as a child comes of it.  This horrifies you.  I'm joking, joking ... maybe. 

Fast forward four years of college.  Girlfriends?  I know of none.  I was heartened to learn that one purpose of your computer gaming club renting out the university movie theater and sponsoring a "Dance, Dance Revolution" competition was to meet girls. Progress?  Then you went to work in Tallahassee for a number of years.  Then you up and move to Seattle.  Relationships?  I hear of none.  My own mother might scoff at my angst, as what I did to her was perhaps worse.  I married soon after college graduation and then we waited 10 years, on purpose, before getting pregnant.  Poor mom.

In any event, one day while I was at work you called.  "Hi Mom."  "Is everything okay?"  "Yes.  I wanted to let you know that I met someone."  My heart leaps into my throat.  "Really?  And how do you feel?"  "I'm head over heels!"  This is, I hope, the beginning of exactly what I want, and a mere 11 years after you left college.  Patience is a virtue, but now both you and Lily are well into your 30's.  Not much time to lose.  Clock's ticking.  You take a year to get to know each other and then propose on the Seattle ferris wheel with a plastic ring in the shape of a cat in honor of her cat Tater, to which you are violently allergic, and start a series of weekly allergy shots - I knew it was love then. 

 

I had all my and my mother's diamonds but rarely wear jewelry, so it gave me great pleasure to give them to you, which enabled Lily to have some of them reworked into an engagement ring - almost the same thing I got from my mother.

Now it's time to prepare for the wedding.  My favorite story is Lily's mother, Laura's, reaction to one of the possible wedding venues.  As I recall it was a palace of black lacquer, red velvet and leopard print.  A genuine bordello in appearance.  Laura is taken aback and horrified.  Lily is none too happy and quite aware of her mother's reaction, while you, oblivious, have a number of nice things to say about the place.  I see this in my mind and it brings quite the smile.  

As mother of the groom and a widow, I have some specific duties: offer to pay for whatever you want (within my budget), provide the rehearsal dinner and make a speech at that dinner.  Oh dear.  A speech.  That speech takes up a good deal of my time, attention and preparation.  While I'm satisfied with it once it's completed, I find that I cannot, no matter how hard I try, say it without bursting into tears.  This will not do.  It'll make everyone uncomfortable including me.  But I come up with a solution that worked like a charm!  Before each paragraph, I penciled in something very inappropriate from the cartoon show South Park.  I would look at that, laugh to myself and then was able to say my speech without blubbering.  

I wasn't as prepared the next day however, when I saw Lily in her beautiful wedding gown.  Instant tears.  I know this about myself and am not too bothered when it happens.

                                                           What I remember from the wedding itself: your future nephew Henry (age 3?), crying and refusing to walk down the aisle, and Dan, his father, picking him up and carrying him while distributing the flower petals, the officiant (a woman whose name I don't remember) having the rings tied with a red ribbon passed around the room for everyone to bless and doing a lovely ceremony, eating the salmon and thinking how delicious it was and watching you and Lily dance.                                          

I also remember a moment when your tie needed straightening.  I stepped forward, but then caught myself, stepped back and let Lily take over.  She is now the person attending to your needs.  The son has taken a wife.

The place itself provided bragging rights for me for quite some time.  You're married in The Explorer's Club in Seattle in the most impressive room I've ever seen.  Everyone I showed it to - and that would be pretty much everyone I know - was in awe.  It was super gorgeous.  I still love the picture!

Your story goes forward, but it doesn't involve your wedding and it deserves more than one entry.  So ... to be continued.